Stereotypes/Stigma Archives - Man Cave Retreat

I am sitting in my comfy chair and started wondering how popular man caves are in today’s society. I was surprised by what I found. I was shocked at how much negativity surrounds the phrase “man cave”. The man caves of the 1950s and 1960s (men only, isolative, and beer-filled) are not as popular. But the newer man caves that are about bringing people together, inclusivity, and authentic expression of self are on the rise. Unfortunately, the historic stereotypes are still sticking around. Why Is the Phrase “Man Cave” So Polarizing? When I did a quick Google search to see what articles were out there that talked about man caves, I was shocked at how negative they were. The term ”man cave” is one of those terms that really fires people up. I’m not going to lie, I almost started to feel bad for having a whole website dedicated to man caves! But why is it such a negative term? I think the term is so polarizing because it has this historic stigma attached to it. If you are hanging out in a man cave, you are drinking beer, watching sports, and ignoring all your other responsibilities. There is also this hidden idea that only men are allowed. The phrase “man cave” insights this “us against them” mentality. This is a mentality that is pretty unhelpful. If this was all man caves were, a place for only men to isolate, drink, and watch sports, I would not have built this website. This may have been what the phrase meant in the past, but it is so much more than that now. If you are a person that the term “man cave” instantly starts to frustrate you, I hope you continue reading. There are some important ideas that I want you to read in this article. When something is frustrating you, that’s when you should pay attention the most. What Are Man Caves For? If you were to listen to what the stigma surrounding man caves is telling us, you would probably guess that man caves are for men to isolate themselves, drink, and watch sports. Is this what some people use man caves for? Sure. But this is not what I think man caves are for. I don’t care if it’s a man cave, she shed, or an entertainment room. They are all getting to the same idea. We all need a place that is comfortable and is our retreat. We all know what the dreaded stigma tells us what man caves are. But I think man caves are so much more than that. ...Expressing Your Authentic Self: This idea of the authentic self is something that I focus on a lot in my articles on this website. When people think of man caves, there are all kinds of things that they expect to be in there. But the beauty of creating your own space, regardless of if it’s a man cave, she shed, or entertainment room, you decide what is included. The point of having a room like this is not to follow what society says you should be doing, it’s to display who you authentically are. If you collect golf balls, that’s awesome! Display them on your walls. If you quilt? That’s awesome, proudly display your hard work on your walls. I happen to enjoy the “stereotypical guy” category of raw wood. But that does not make my man cave any less me. The only wrong way to design or build a man cave, she shed, or entertainment room is to listen to what others say should be in it, and not make the decision for yourself. The word that comes to mind is posing. Man caves have gotten a bad name because some people are posing as testosterone junkies or hyper-masculine. This is one of the areas that I agree with some of the hyper-critical articles. Make your room you, not someone else. ...Bringing People Together: The other important role a room like a man cave plays is to bring people together. If you listen to the stigma, you would probably think the purpose of a man cave is to isolate. Nope! There is no better feeling than bringing people together and entertaining in a room you created. In the same way, it feels awesome to entertain in a room that you filled with things that are meaningful to you. To me, it is important to use the room you spent so much time creating. So why not allow the family in or have your partner invite their friends over to enjoy the room. Man caves get a bad name for themselves as being men only, all others not allowed. Have they been this in the past? Absolutely. A lot of times stereotypes or based on some shred of fact. But that stereotype does not mean it’s true for you. Part of the joy I get is seeing others enjoying a room I spent so much time creating. I would be getting so much less satisfaction out of it if I limited its use to only my buddies and myself. Are Man Caves Sexist? Are man caves sexist… Yikes. Me being a guy talking about man caves, I hope you give me a chance before you click away. I think this is one of those polarizing questions that you already have an opinion on one way or another. If you have read this far into the article, I hope you will hear me out. If we are unwilling to look past the stigma that is surrounding the phrase “man cave” then you would probably think the phrase is sexist. But if we made all of our judgments based only on the stigma that surrounds a topic, it would be a sad world! Frankly, I use the phrase man cave because I have not been able to find another phrase that works for me. It is what I have chosen to use for myself because, obviously, I am male. Other people may have decided to use the phrases she shed or entertainment room. My View On Man Caves: I view my man cave as a space that authentically shows who I am. I invite and entertain people that I enjoy, regardless of their sex. My partner invites their friends to also entertain in the man cave, regardless of their sex. My space is more about inclusiveness and bringing people together than “boys only”. Sometimes it is easier for people to throw a general statement about a term like “man cave”. This is something that hyper-critical people enjoy doing because it can be fun for the reader who is like-minded. Remember how you design your space, what you call it, and how you use it are all unique to you. Make it unique to you, yours, and you can’t go wrong. Be authentic to yourself and what you want, not what society tells you a man cave “should” be. Do They Get in the Way of Relationships? I actually think this is an important conversation to have. It is impossible to know how many guys are actually coming right home from work and retiring to their man cave for the night except for dinner. I would like to think this is a product of the stigma. However, I do think having a room you designed can cause us to spend more time in there alone than we should. I know I am guilty of it. If this happens too often, you bet it can get in the way of your relationship But in this day in age, what isn’t getting in the way of relationships. You and your partner could be sitting in the same room, watching different things on Netflix, and not talk all night. Be careful here, just because two people are in the same room does not mean they are more connected. How To Avoid Potential Relationship Issues: There needs to be a shared experience. That’s why. if you are worried about your man cave getting in the way of your relationship, use the space to watch a show with your partner. I don’t think the room itself is what is getting in the way of relationships, it’s how it is being used. The location of the room is also more important than you may think. For the sake of reducing isolation, I would suggest not having your man cave in the garage. Keep it within your actual house. That way there is much less physical distance between you and everything else that’s going on. I am starting to feel like a broken record, but remember the man caves, she sheds, and entertainment rooms are meant to be shared with other people. They are not meant to be shared in isolation. Enjoy it with your partner. You, your partner, and your relationship will be thanking me in the future. If any room is used for isolation/isolated activities often enough, you bet it’ll impact your relationship. This is not something that is exclusive to man caves. But like I have said, usually, stereotypes have some shred of truth in them. This is why I am an active supporter of the man caves and she sheds of the world being a place for sharing experiences, not isolation. Are Man Caves Still Popular? This is another question that is hard to answer. I think the phrase “man cave” has started to fall out of favor recently because of all the negative stigma associated with it. But that does not mean the idea of a man cave is any less popular, or that there are any fewer rooms that serve the same purpose. Based on the number of Google searches, there are plenty of people who are still interested in the idea of man caves. The types of man caves being created are changing though. Today’s man cave IS NOT the same as the man cave of the 1950s and 1960s. Back then, man caves were more about men only and isolation. But today’s man caves, in my eyes, are more about inclusivity, togetherness, and authentic expression of self. If I could think of a more inclusive phrase I could use other than “man cave” I would be all over it. But until then, that is the phrase I will continue to use. Final Thoughts: I appreciate you reading this article. Like I said at the beginning, I'm sure you have opinions one way or another. But at the end of the day, it is important we do our best to look through stereotypes and look at what is actually going on. Until next time,